Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dead Baby Cards

Is there a website that specializes in dead baby cards? It was difficult to find an appropriate card for my dear husband as a childless father for Father's Day last week. Also, since A officially made our parents grandparents, I wanted to mark Mother's and Father's Day this year for them as well. The variety for Mother's Day grandmother cards wasn't great, but I did find two that worked. Father's Day was impossible because every single greeting card was either from the child's perspective or had "Happy Father's Day" somewhere on it. Certainly there was nothing happy about my Dad's first Father's Day as a grandfather with no grandchild to tickle. I resorted to an online card site where you are able to customize the wording. It worked out fine and he was really touched, but it took some digging and some effort on my part.

The more I thought about it, there are other dead baby card needs too. Given the uniqueness of losing a baby, thoughtful sympathy cards specific for when a baby dies would be a gift for both the bereaved family and those who are sending the card. We received some awkward ones and unfortunately I've had the occasion twice since A died to purchase sympathy cards for other couples who lost their babies. The pickin's are slim in the card aisle.

Also due date, anniversary and birthday cards that are sensitive to a babyloss scenario would be handy. Possibly even congratulatory cards on a subsequent pregnancy that also acknowledges the continued sorrow and longing for the deceased child.

Or how about birth announcements. We did not send birth announcements after A was stillborn. It wasn't because we thought it strange or uncomfortable, but because we were numb and consumed by grief. I know that some of the online birth announcements could be used interchangeably for a living or deceased baby. My fellow babyloss blogger Mom, Julie, has a beautiful example here. But no parent should have to scroll through pages of examples depicting breathing babies right after they've had to part with their own precious bundle.

If anyone knows of a site that caters to the babylost community with products like these or if someone creates such a site one day, please drop a line and let me know.


  1. I haven't looked in awhile but I know has some cards and lots of good books. The owner is Tim Nelson (who wrote a guide for fathers) and his second daughter was stillborn 20+ years ago. He is very helpful, involved in the loss community and has worked with Sherokee Ilse.

    I made Bear's announcement on and I had to search A LOT for a card that had enough space to customize the way I wanted. Of course, messing with the wording, font size, etc. gave me something to pour hours into when I couldn't do anything else but sit on the couch. At the time I think I was in such a strange emotional state that looking through all the happy baby cards didn't seem as weird as it does now.

    I found a neat card last Father's Day on It was blank inside and didn't address loss, but the front was perfect. I just found a card at Trader Joe's that I bought several of to put away for those terrible days when I need to write someone else a dead baby sympathy card. It is blank inside and on the front has the quote "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away."

    I think there are other websites, but trying to figure out what to google isn't exactly easy...

    1. Thank you for the ideas Julie. I was not familiar with I have read a few of Tim Nelson's pieces and his tiny book for fathers. I also like the forethought of stocking up on a good card once I do find one, because unfortunately, this is going to continue to happen.

      I hope you're feeling physically well and emotionally surviving each day the best you can.

  2. I dont know of anything :( I am fond of blank cards that just have flowers or a pic on the front. The message on the inside is much more personal then.

  3. I'm with MIchelle, I usually chose a blank card with a fitting image on the cover and I personalize it with a quote or a poem on the inside. Maybe if baby loss cards were readily available in stores, it would open up people's minds and hearts to our loss though..

  4. I know this post is quite old now but I happened to click through as it appears on your popular posts list and I thought of this line that Carly and Franchesca have produced. I love these cards and I've bought quite a few. I thought that you might well have come across them by now and, obviously, I'm far too late to be of any help but just in case somebody else comes by looking for something similar try here