Grief Quotes #6

"There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms."

- Charlotte Bronte

Grief Quotes #5

"The thing about grief is that there isn't a place or time at which we arrive once-and-for-all at peace, or healing, or completion."

- Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

From Bearing the Unbearable

Grief Quotes #4

"It's typically American to equate healing with doing something. When we have a problem, we fix it, and we prefer to do it quickly. But fixing is not the same as healing; in fact it can easily get in the way of healing...Healing happens not through doing but through feeling."

- Elio Frattaroli

Grief Quotes #3

"Yet there is no place for the tidy, the neat, or the civilized in mourning.

Grief violates convention: it is raw, primal, seditious, chaotic, writhing, and most certainly uncivilized. Yet grief is an affirmation of human passion, and only those who are apathetic, who stonewall love, who eschew intimacy can escape grief's pull.

No intervention and no interventionist can 'cure' our grief. And we are not broken - we are brokenhearted.

Grief is not a medical disorder to be cured.

Grief is not spiritual crisis to be resolved.

Grief is not a social woe to be addressed.

Grief is, simply a matter of the heart - to be felt."

- Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

From Bearing the Unbearable

Grief Quotes #2

"Though we encounter it as suffering, grief is in fact an affirmation."

- Leon Wieseltier

Grief Quotes #1

During my grief season this year, and especially over the course of A's days, I read and re-read some of my favorite grief books. Even though I've read them before and even though I'm seven years out, some passages and quotes struck me right through. They are concise, poignant observations or a feeling I carry that someone finally articulated perfectly. I thought I'd share them. This is the first of the series. Maybe one or two with resonate with you too.

This first one is a favorite of mine. It speaks to mustering the courage to face and embrace grief.


"We do not experience grief without love, and we cannot experience the love without feeling grief. When we open our hearts to grief, over time, the delineation between the two states deliquesces. Our hearts open because grief, like love, is a matter of the heart."

- Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

From Bearing the Unbearable

Research Opportunity

Ever since A died seven years ago, I've sought ways to create a positive impact from his short life. We do random acts of kindness in his name. I donate books and funds to loss and bereavement groups. And, on a more personal level, I think of myself as a sort of grief ambassador. Whenever anyone in my life - co-worker, close friend, relative - suffers a loss, I don't hesitate to step forward. I'm not bashful about sending food or about asking how they're doing and offering to sit in the grief with them. I like to think that my willingness to speak of grief, in all its facets, is in some small way working to de-stigmatize death and grief in American society. I also feel like it's a compassionate way to honor A's legacy. With this in mind, it's no surprise that I immediately jumped at an opportunity to participate in a research study about grief.

Fellow bereaved mom and blogger, Jen, is a professor and is conducting research about grief and how the bereaved maintain records and items that connect them to their lost loved ones. You can read more about it on her blog here. It is not exclusive to baby loss and your records needn't be paper documents. If you would like to participate, I assure that Jen will be kind and understanding. Please consider it.