I am 26 weeks pregnant with our third child. This baby is
due in July, at which time Dragon will be two-and-a-half and A would have been a few months shy of 4-years-old. Three kids in under four
years. Which is odd because it doesn't feel like we have three kids. There is
only one spirited 2-year-old standing in front of us; that's it.
Like other babyloss moms who have had multiple rainbow
babies, (Caroline, Brooke and Catherine for example),
I have found this current pregnancy to be less anxious (thus far) than my
pregnancy with Dragon. Keeping up with a 2-year-old, coping with extended
morning sickness and battling what seems like every bug and illness this winter
has left little space or energy for worrying. Of course I have.
I went in when I was sick with the flu and my temperature
wasn't coming down. I went in after having some sharp, albeit brief,
contractions one night. I went in after the hummus brand we buy every week was recalled for listeria and
I had a bout of chills, body aches and low grade temperature. Each time, all
was well and baby continues to grow.
Initially, my concern over this baby was more of a
resignation. Each pang or cramp made me think, "Well that's it. We lost
the baby. I'll just wait to start bleeding." Whereas with Dragon, it would
have set me into a tailspin of panic.
As the pregnancy has wore on (and my physical misery of
constant morning sickness has abated), my anxiety has ramped up. Maybe it has
to do with reaching viability. Before 24-weeks even if I was going into labor,
I wasn't convinced they'd do much to try and save my baby. Wow! Writing that
sentence was a bit of revelation. I clearly still harbor lots of resentment
that modern medicine and science couldn't save my healthy full-term son.
With Dragon we checked in on her often with the Doppler we
bought for home. E even went as far as to conduct non-stress tests at home
in late pregnancy – that’s a whole other story. This time around, we've
only reached for the Doppler a handful of times. We'll start daily kick counts
in a couple weeks, which may prompt more listening in.
Either way the hope is still the same; get this baby here
alive and well. Get through each day and try to find reassurance that we’re
that much closer to the end of this odyssey.
