tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post8269034247384725270..comments2023-02-15T02:59:06.380-08:00Comments on Griefland: Say His NamePieces of Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05246193199805990821noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-89568244524128840382012-11-14T12:13:34.429-08:002012-11-14T12:13:34.429-08:00It's so refreshing when someone is genuine and...It's so refreshing when someone is genuine and heartfelt in their remarks. <br /><br />I think we both ought to keep on practicing talking to others about our missing boys. Love to you, Alexander and baby #2.Pieces of Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05246193199805990821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-40671350589833873152012-11-14T12:06:40.806-08:002012-11-14T12:06:40.806-08:00That's exactly it Aoife. I feel obliged to end...That's exactly it Aoife. I feel obliged to end on a positive note, to wrap things up nicely. WTF?! The truth is my healthy son died inexplicably and that catastrophe is uncomfortable for others, hell it's uncomfortable for me. And still the internal pressure to uplift the listener's feelings because I am the cause of their discomfort. Pieces of Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05246193199805990821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-49741877792912571882012-11-13T06:43:55.422-08:002012-11-13T06:43:55.422-08:00I relate so much to this
I leave out his name all...I relate so much to this<br /><br />I leave out his name all the time. I almost feel as if no one will know who I'm talking about...if all of a sudden I stop saying "the baby" and switch to saying Alexander. I get awkward, and fidget with words...and yes, slather on good things that are happening in my life to ease the heaviness of this subject matter. <br /><br />This past Sunday, I was at a baptism, and a friend of the family (the baptised child's family) took a moment when she saw me in the bathroom to give condolences and encouraged strength and love. It felt wonderful, and she did it exactly correctly. It's all I ever want from people. I on the other hand, stumbled about, and had the urge to tell her that we are now expecting our second, and are really happy to be having ANOTHER child - I compulsively needed to somehow tell her that we are moving in a good direction, and lift the heavy feeling off her. But I stopped. Nodded as she said her heartfelt words. And we somehow exited the restroom talking about other things. <br /><br />It turned in me a bit..bothered me...."why didn't I say his name? Why didn't I profess my undying love for him? Why did I so quickly want to jump to better things? ". For her sake? I think so. But also because I would have cried. <br /><br />I can only assume everyone is horrified by my life...so I want to make to better for them. It's something I'm trying to get better at. Let it be. Let it have it's space in conversations and social environments. Veronicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06281894679573984580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-71497008036290640492012-11-12T16:25:54.758-08:002012-11-12T16:25:54.758-08:00Oooooo, that is a good dead baby bomb story. I am ...Oooooo, that is a good dead baby bomb story. I am still not comfortable dropping the bomb on unsuspecting people, innocent people, but how do we move forward? How do we create new relationships, or have presence in existing relationships, if not for some way to talk about them? I've heard some people talk about not saying their names, and not talking about our dead babies, because they want to keep the baby completely to themselves. I just feel so uncomfortable and awkward, and I often stammer and start talking too much and stumble all over myself. Ugh. How to find at least some of the right words for it all? Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01955054876521178314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-32845966285215883722012-11-12T13:34:17.692-08:002012-11-12T13:34:17.692-08:00I'm afraid I fall into the yammering trap as w...I'm afraid I fall into the yammering trap as well. On the very few occasions where I have had to explain that Hugo is my second son, I catch myself saying "No, he's my second, my first son died last year..." And that is the point at which I should stop, absorb the horrified looks and just wait for the moment to pass. But instead, I find myself adding something to 'brighten the mood' or something... like, "But this little guy has me kept very busy now!" (with a smile)... Sometimes I loathe myself.<br /><br />It's as you say - the social conditioning. The discomfort with knowing you dragged the mood down, or were the drama queen or misery guts. And the need to lighten the mood again. I always end up feeling rotten. <br /><br />It's funny, I don't recall using his name either - when telling strangers. I suppose I think they just don't care. Sad really. Very sad. Aoifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09002790029609631639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4529428189543496698.post-78603544695914745282012-11-12T10:30:45.298-08:002012-11-12T10:30:45.298-08:00I sometimes have trouble saying my A's name al...I sometimes have trouble saying my A's name aloud, too. I'm not sure why. Your son has a beautiful name, whether you say it aloud or hold it close to yourself. March is for daffodilshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11287273786322029725noreply@blogger.com